I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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