I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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