She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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