You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
