every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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