my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
