11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
