he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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