When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
