fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
