how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
