is your mom at the bar?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
