This is not my ceiling
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
