Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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