Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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