ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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