I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
