i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you had me at cake vodka
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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