You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
