Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
