lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
