did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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