My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
