Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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