of course. lets lasso hookers.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
