separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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