I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
