As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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