i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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