i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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