i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
