I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
