My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry my hands just texted you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
