Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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