at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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