Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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