I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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