Nicole vs. Life
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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