Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
