She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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