Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
