Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
