apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
