i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
