Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
