Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
