K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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