I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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