Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
