Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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