Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
