Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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