Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
