i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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